I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
