I want to walk on stilts...naked
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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