Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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