how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
