My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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