My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
