I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
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Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
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My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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