i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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