Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
