Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
