her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
she smelled like a LAN party
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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