The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
