Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
pray to the hookup gods
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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