Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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