can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
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