you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
