so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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