ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
