just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
