New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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