My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I did not marry a roomba.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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