why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
