I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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