Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Randomize
