your parents love me but you hate me
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
