I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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