Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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