Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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