i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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