It's Friday. Sex?
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
