he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
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I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
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Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
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