he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
