dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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