I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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