I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize