You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
