I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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