if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
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