I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
