Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
