one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
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