dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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