So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
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