god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I think your dad took our porno
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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