why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
