Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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