Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
