Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
