Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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