I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
