I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
