Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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