i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
It's blow job season.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
