you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
