And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
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