just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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