Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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