First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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