i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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