woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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