They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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