By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize