HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize
