A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
