if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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