I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
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